Downs With Love – A Play Review

20180612_211601 Human relationships are complex and fascinating, but what happens when a girl with Down Syndrome falls in love with a man who ends up being her carer’s boyfriend?

In “Downs With Love” a play that toured throughout Scotland, Beth (played by lead actress Abigal Brydon) becomes friends with Tracey, her support worker.  Tracey and Beth get together multiple times a week to sing, watch TV, and do chores, but Beth wants to take Tracey on a special outing.  Every Friday night, Beth goes to the local pub where she listens to a singer named Mark.  Mark is handsome, has an angelic voice, and is around her age, and Beth hopes that he will one day fall in love with her.  At first Mark ignores her and finds it difficult and awkward to relate to someone with a disability, but as support worker, Tracey, urges him to at least be friendly and kind to Beth a friendship forms.  Mark, Tracey, and Beth all begin spending time together, going to the movies, going out for coffee, and going bowling.  Eventually Mark works up the courage to ask Tracey to go on a date with him.  Tracey does not feel comfortable going behind Beth’s back, but she agrees as long as it is just a casual date, not a “date date”.  Yet as Mark and Tracey grow closer together, they both start getting more and more distant from Beth who truly believes that something might eventually happen between her and Mark.  Soon the day comes when Mark and Tracey have to break the news to Beth, a moment she does not handle well.  She is devastated and feels like her friends have betrayed her.  She questions whether it is all about her disability and if she were simply “normal” if she would have the chance for love.  Yet, at the end of the play, all is remedied as Mark and Tracey get married and Beth forgives them both and is truly happy for them and so their relationship continues.

The play “Downs with Love” is based off of Beth’s (Abigal Brydon’s) own experience.  Abigal is part of a local theatre troupe called Inspire that welcomes actors of various ability levels.  Abi has even succeed in her dream of being a professional by taking classes at a local college, though her ultimate dream is to one day be on television!  Throughout the play, Abi weaves in her past humiliations of being bullied in school and seen as different, as well as her day-to-day routines and her own previous relationships.  It is a play that is at once realistic, thoughtful, and thought-provoking.

After watching the play and having the question and answer session with the panel, I came away with so many questions about how our society perceives people with disabilities in relationships.  Do we view that as awkward or romantic?  Do people with disabilities have enough resources to learn about relationships as the general public?  What is right or wrong in a relationship for someone with a disability, who decides that, and why?

This play really showed me that it is so imperative to support those with disabilities to accomplish their dreams in the same way as we would for anyone else.  It is important to be honest, upfront, and to be clear about boundaries.

I have never seen a play quite like this one, but I believe this is the start of something amazing when it comes to disability inclusion in the theatrical world.  The director, Suzanne Lofthus, has so many upcoming dreams for continuing to make similar plays and maybe in the future, films.  Until, then, I am excited to see more actors with developmental disabilities taking centre stage and reminding us of how love can be a possibility for us all.


My Day with Patricia Bootsma

downloadOn Saturday, October 28th, one of the largest churches in Toronto – People’s Church, hosted a “Serve the City Day.” The day was focused on evangelism, outreach, and missional leadership and included a plenary session in the morning with the famous charismatic evangelist and author, Patricia Bootsma. I have heard Bootsma speak on more than one occassion, and every time I listen to her I am reminded of how much of a woman of God she is. Here is a woman who has experienced and helped to bring about healings, prophecies, visions, and more. It is evident when you meet her that the Spirit of God is upon her and the most impressive thing of all, is her humility towards this. She is not someone who does any of these things in order to amass fame and fortune, but rather she is someone who only seeks for God to use her as His evangelistic instrument.

At the conference, Bootsma spoke about the need for intercessory prayer and prayer evangelism. She explained how before we are able to go out and reach the masses, we must first bring the masses to God. For example, before we ever evangelize to a friend, we need to pray that this friend will be open and receptive to what they will hear. We need to become people who plead with God for lost souls and who truly are so deeply distrubed about the lost and the dying that we cry for them. If there ever was a “Mic Drop” moment in the history of Christian sermons, it would be this line from Bootsma “Do you love souls or do you just love your ministry?” Wow. What an incredible question to consider. In Matthew 7:21-23, Jesus Himself cautioned that not everyone who calls Him Lord and Master is truly His disciple. In an almost scary way He even mentions that there will be some who will posess charismatic gifts and perhaps even do much good because of them. These individuals may practice gifts of healing, prophecy, or even casting out demons and raising the dead, but in the end times, God Himself will say “depart from Me, I never knew you?” How can this be? How can someone who has practiced the gifts of the Spirit not be in-line with the Spirit of God to the point that He even says He doesn’t know who they are? The answer is then clearly laid out for us verse 21 where Jesus explains that only those who do the will of the Father are truly His disciples. In other words, only those who truly love souls, who engaged in ministry for the sake of the Kingdom (rather than for reasons of wealth, pride, fame, or prestige) are those God wants to associate with. I believe this is a great warning for anyone in ministry, but especially for those of us who have the charismatic gifts. A gifted preacher or evangelist such as Billy Graham may gain attraction and a following, but we also live in a day and age where people are impressed by signs and wonders. Therefore, when someone comes along not just claiming, but actually proving that they have the ability to raise someone from the dead or to heal the sick, our attention is piqued. And so, those of us with this gift, need to be cautious of how we use it and how it will be interpreted. If it is not for the saving of souls and for evangelical purposes – we should forget about it. The Lord gives us gifts in order to use them – not to abuse them. They are never there to draw attention to ourselves, but only to draw attention to God, and the minute we forget that is the moment we risk being one of the goats rather than one of the sheep.

I know not everyone agrees with the charismatic gifts. There are some Christians who feel those gifts were only for a certain time period directly after our Lord came to this earth. In this case, my heart is saddened because I feel these individuals are missing out. When we take the authority of Jesus Christ and use His power to accomplish His mighty acts and deeds, we are not only seeing revival in our own hearts and lives, but also permitting others to experience this revival as well. To hold it back is not only to cut ourselves short, but potentially to leave out great opportunities for evangelism and witness.

At the end of the sermon, I approached a young woman named Ruth, who is Patricia Bootsma’s intern. Ruth is Scottish and I have a heart for Scotland (having lived there for a year) and as we talked Ruth felt the Holy Spirit upon her heart and asked if she could pray and prophesy over me. I agreed. Ruth prayed that God might use me to bring a great revival to the country of Scotland and to interceed for the needs of the Scottish people even right here in Canada. Upon hearing this great prayer, my heart was glad. I was thankful to have attended a day where I was to minister to others, but I was the one who ended up being ministered to!

Everything about this day was a great experience, but as they say, unless you choose to implement something from a conference or a sermon within the first three days, it will never happen. There is a big temptation to be fed at a conference, but to not feed anyone else in turn. To be inspired, but then to not inspire someone else. I hope and pray that I continue to implement what I learned about prayer and intercession. That I continue to live out the specific gifts and callings God has given to me not for my own sake or to achieve fame or status, but for the sake of the Gospel. I hope to join the Apostle Paul in saying that whatever I have gained, I now count it all as loss unless souls are saved in the process. Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift of salvation found only in and through Jesus Christ and His shed blood and atonement alone.

A Prayer for Today


Let us pray for all God’s people:

For those who this day have woken up to adventure and love, and for those who trod through this day painfully hoping it will end soon.
For those who are struggling in their marriages, and for those who are struggling in their singleness.
For those who have problems with their children, and for those who yearn to have a family of their own.
For those enslaved by violence, oppression, and greed, and for the ones who enslave them.
For those who suffer from ill-health, mental disturbance, or increased disability, and for those who suffer in the state of their mind due to their own prejudices and character defects without even knowing how lost they are.
For those who travel to explore, and for those who travel to escape.
For those who are too trusting, and for those who do not trust enough.
For those addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and gambling, and for those addicted to being liked, popularity, prestige, and fame.
For those who are homeless, and for rich Christians living in an age of hunger who refuse to do anything about it.
For those trying to find their worth in meaningless encounters, and for those who have found their worth but now are struggling once again with the possibility of losing it.
For those who are beaten down, and for those who beat down others.
For those who are puffed up and for those who do not consider themselves worthy enough.
For those who are bold enough to question, and for those who do not know which questions to ask.
For those afflicted, and for those too comfortable to notice the affliction of others.
For those who wander, and those who are bored of being at home.
For those who seek, and those who have found.
For those who hope for community but have not yet found it, and for those who tirelessly seek to build and restore community.
For those who care for the earth, and those who ravish it without conscience.
For those who are humble, and those who are haughty.
For saints and sinners, all.
For those who have found their home in the organized halls of religion – of church steeples, choirs, and pews, and for those searching but still on the fringes.
For those who find themselves on the fringes but would like to be included, and for those who choose to be on the fringes and find themselves excluded.
For those who doubt, and for those who believe.
For those who are just trying to recover for the first time today, and for those who have given up trying.
For those who mentor, and for those who need to be mentored.
For those who change too frequently and for those who do not change enough.
For the dreamers, the poets, the artists, and creators,
And for those who have had their creativity shut down.
For those for whom prayers are few and far between, and for those whose prayers effortlessly lift off their lips though never sincerely mean the words in their hearts.
For the broken, bruised, bandaged, and bemused.
And for the brave who are bothered by injustice.
Father of all Eternal Glory,
Draw ever near us today, be ever present
So that we, in turn, may be present to others.
Lord in Your mercy,
Hear our prayer.

Going Beyond #Metoo Why a Simple Hashtag Isn’t Enough for Me

me-too In recent days, social media has been lit up with #MeToo.  Sometimes the post contains nothing more than those 5 letters and other times it spills out into a complete confession of wrongs done to the person.  Some posts give a victory cry of how despite injustice, the individual has overcome, other posts simply state that the individual is not yet ready to disclose all that happened (at least publicly) but would consider having the conversation off line or via private messaging.  And still many others are an invitation to talk – to discuss, to empower and support one another through what is a tumultuous and oftentimes scarring experience.

At the core of the #Metoo movement is a desire for perpetrators and abusers to begin being held accountable for their actions.  It is a vessel to gather information – to prove the scope of the problem, to acknowledge that more women than we realize have fallen prey to gender-based violence, and an opportunity to begin taking those same women seriously as a society.  The #Metoo movement aims to show women that they are not alone, that there are many others in similar positions to them (to varying degrees), and that there is indeed a problem – and a big one at that.

A few days ago when my Facebook starting lighting up with #Metoo I at once experienced the profound emotion of anger – anger at this world for allowing this to happen, anger at some men who take advantage of women, anger at a society that objectifies women’s bodies at every turn and corner, but also mixed with it was a feeling of pride and extreme gratefulness at the courageous women who stepped up and shared their experiences.  Scrolling through my newsfeed I became aware that this problem affects women of all socio-economic ranks, religious and political leanings, cultures, and ethnicities.  Some of my friends are straight, others gay.  Some are thin and the portrait of beauty, others would describe themselves as a bit chubby if not “ordinary” and “plain.”  The truth is, to an abuser, these things often do not really matter.  Ultimately, where the concern lies is simply in who is a prime victim to be taken advantage of.  The person the abuser can have a “power-play” on and oftentimes the very person who they know will either never tell or else will tell but will never be seen as credible.

At its core, there is a lot of goodness stemming from the #Metoo movement.  It is a place of identification, corporate support, and in some cases action.  Marches are being done, letters being written by third parties which alert abusers that other people in the woman’s support network know what’s going on, and engagement and dialogue happening both on and off-line.  Nevertheless, I do have a few issues with the #Metoo movement, and I urge you as a reader to consider them and not take them lightly.

Firstly, the #Metoo movement is a great opportunity to at least begin envisioning and understanding the scope of violence done to women, however, what I find disconcerting is that while at least half of my female Facebook friends have written #Metoo, less than one twentieth of my male friends have written #Iamsorry.  This, of course, is not at all to say that all men are guilty simply by association of their gender, however, it is to say, that even with this growing movement, it is still very much seen as a women’s issue.  As something like “well, that sucks it happened to you, thanks for sharing with me, but I’m still not going to take any responsibility for what happened to you.”  The truth of the matter is that the Bible calls both men and women to a very high standard of sexual morality and living.  The Bible states that if a man looks at a woman lustfully he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.  It doesn’t matter whether that woman is married or not.  If she is married – you are robbing her husband even if you never act on your impulse you are degrading and defiling her.  If she is single (even if you are in a relationship with her but have not yet put a ring on her finger) you are robbing her future husband and objectifying her.  The Bible tells men that they are to lead out of love and servitude.  Submission is to be a point of provision and mutual dependency.  To be a leader means to first be a slave – to put each other’s interests before your own and to make decisions based on trust and respect for one another.

If you are a man who helplessly stood by when a woman was catcalled because it was too awkward for you to get involved, you are responsible.   If a woman opened up to you about a previous abuse or situation that made her feel uncomfortable and you chose to dismiss it because women are always “too emotional” you are responsible. If you are a man who made a suggestive comment (even in jest) you are responsible.  If you are a father who did not teach your sons the proper way to respect a woman and woo her in love, you are responsible.  You can be responsible for your inaction as much as someone should be for their action.  In the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, “If you choose to stay silent in situations of injustice, you have already chosen the side of the oppressor.”

My second issue with the #Metoo movement is that it can easily mess with a victim’s mind.  In theory, the activity and acknowledgement of what once was (and still is in many cases) relegated to the basement never to be spoken of again being brought to light and spoken of publicly can be a healing experience.  Nevertheless, it also can raise someone’s defences, heightening their PTSD, and reminding them of experiences they’ve tried so hard for years to bury.  In light of this, all I ask is that we walk with our friends gently through this experience.  If we have not experienced sexual violence ourselves, we may not comprehend how seeing something on the screen can truly be triggering and upsetting – but trust me, in our culture today, seeing things visually online can be just as upsetting (if not more upsetting) than hearing them offline while sitting across from a friend at a local coffee shop.  During these upcoming days, weeks, maybe even months, please allow your friends to FEEL.  Please do not become defensive or filled with justification (especially if you are a man), acknowledge her emotions and let her vent.  Standing in solidarity with a victim does not always mean we need to be full of sound wisdom and sage advice, sometimes it simply means that we need to tune our own needs out in order to focus on hers.  Journeying together is a lifelong process – it cannot be rushed, it cannot be shushed, it cannot be snuffed out.

Lastly, my issue with #Metoo is that we cannot simply see this as a by-product of the culture, rally for it for a few weeks and then let it die out.  I’ve seen this time and time again with online causes, and in fact, when I was doing my master’s degree one my classmates actually did his thesis on online presence.  We saw Facebook light up with the “N” for Nazarene to raise awareness of religious persecution.  We saw thousands of people doing the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise money for ALS, but today that organization has not been able to keep up that same amount of fundraising.  Social media constantly sees a barrage of causes on a daily basis – profile pictures changed, hashtags added, even protests circulating.  Yet, the very nature of social media is that it is transient.  We live in a passionate generation, but it is one in which we rally together for a cause until we get bored of it and move on to the next (often within a period of weeks if not shorter).  Sexual abuse, assault, and harassment are such big issues that affect almost every woman that we simply cannot just “move on”.  People are opening up publicly in such a vulnerable way, and we cannot take that lightly.  When a woman opens up (perhaps in some cases for the first time – at least publicly) she is putting herself at risk.  At risk of being broken, at risk of not knowing how people in her life will respond, at risk for being questioned, even at risk for becoming part of the victim-blaming cycle.  With risk comes opportunity and potential advancement for growth, but there is still a great risk attached.  The truth is, whether at this point we want to admit it or not, in the next few weeks, #Metoo will be old news and replaced with something else, but the trauma that woman experienced will continue to live on vicariously for the rest of her life.  When a woman experiences trauma, abuse, and victimhood, it does not just affect her for a time or a season.  It will affect how she views herself – her sexuality, her ability to trust, her relationships, maybe even her spirituality.  It will affect her daily activities – whether she will walk through that park again in the dark, whether she will make friends with someone who looks like her abuser (even if she knows internally that it is not that person).  It may cause her to experience mental illnesses such as depression or PTSD for the rest of her life.  It may eventually affect her marriage, her family, her friendships, even her working environment.  So, you see, the issue of abuse is perpetual.  Even if the abuse only happened once, it can snowball throughout her life, coming up at the most inconvenient and shocking of times even when she felt like it had all been dealt with.  So regardless of what happens with the #Metoo movement and whether or not it goes anywhere after these initial weeks, please remember that these women who have now posted so boldly are not going to suddenly “get better” just because they posted, and in fact, in many cases may actually get worse now that things are all churned up again.

If we truly want to make a difference and end this culture of abuse and violence, we must be willing not only be acknowledge the widespread problem, but to be part of its solution.  We may all be at different stages.  We may be someone silently struggling to articulate the abuse that happened to us.  We may have a friend or relative who was the victim of a grave abuse and want to be an ally to that person.  We may have been sexually harassed and just have never realized it.  Even if we personally have never been the recipients of sexual harassment or violence, if we are women, we must realize that as members of this society – we are harassed on a daily basis by media and pop-culture songs that are nothing short of porn and almost always aimed towards women.  The best way to help end this cycle of abuse is to stand firm in our own stories, to educate ourselves, to listen to others, and to listen to our own hearts.  It is to take the Biblical injunctions of God’s love, mercy, healing, and forgiveness seriously.  It is to see sin as the systemic oppression and violence it is and to call each other and ourselves out on it whenever we see that we are beginning to make justifications or rationalizations.  And, when we have done all we can, it is to entrust the rest to God – to give Him this broken world with all of its attachments and weights, and to hope, trust, and pray that ultimately there will come a day when we will move from #Metoo to #Meneither.

Dear Church I Love You, But…


Dear Church,

Yesterday I visited you.  You welcomed me in the same way as always.  Cheerful people, the senior lady who truthfully told me she was praying for me and gave me a word of encouragement, the look of a clean facility that was well run and well maintained.  Your landscaping reminded me of the beauty of those little flowers cropping up on the side of your building, and the warm sense of music completely filled the sanctuary.  Here I am among friends.  Here I am fully able to be myself.  Here I feel whole and complete.  Well, at least most of the time that’s how I feel.  Then there are other times when I feel that I could never truly let the real me show.  My own struggles and vulnerabilities.  My own defaults and disasters.  My own doubts and disillusionments.  I am, after all, employed by you.  I am there to be a guide, a shepherd, and a leader – the one meant to offer healing, not the one in need of healing.  I know that at the core, that’s my own pride talking.  In the words of author Esther Fleece, I do not have to continue “faking fine” but sometimes it sure feels like I do.

I decided to pose this open question both to my Christian and non-Christian friends alike.  To Saints, Seekers, and Skeptics: “How would you answer the following question: Dear Church, I Love You But…”  Here are a few responses that stood out to me – not because of their scholarly content, but because of their rawness.  Not because of their nerdy appeal, but because of their honesty.  For these are exactly the very things I have said myself about you, but never had the courage to address until just now.

Dear Church, I love you, but I wish Jesus would feel welcomed here.  Nearly every church I have ever attended claims to be “welcoming and inclusive”, but I have learned that is rarely the case.  Being an inclusive church is oftentimes more messy and requires more work and a greater commitment.  So, there are times when people who don’t fit into a certain mold, stand out because they realize they will never be part of that mold.  I grew up in the church so I’ve always felt that I fit in.  In fact, like most Christian kids, I can more easily and readily connect to other Christians than to “people on the outside.”  However, in recent weeks I’ve been learning how much of Christian culture is simply that – culture.  Not something directly addressed in the Bible, but things we have picked up and now hold as sacred.  That’s not all bad, but, we do need to become mindful of clichés and acronyms we use that keep people out.

When Jesus walked this earth He told His disciples that whoever welcomes a prisoner, a sick person, a beggar, or a child, welcomes Him.  What do all four of these people have in common?  They were considered nothing within that society.  Therefore, any church that welcomes someone without pretense, without any investment in what they could possibly get from that person (time, money, other donations, credibility), welcomes Him.  Today, there are many churches that are welcoming just such individuals, but there are many more that keep those same people at a distance – people with developmental disabilities and mental illnesses, people so trapped in their addictions that they have destroyed their lives and their families, people who are petty thieves or sex offenders, people who have made bad choices and taken wrong turns or simply people who have been the recipients of others’ bad choices and wrong turns.  It makes us uncomfortable to get out of our comfort zone, but that’s exactly what Jesus tells us to do.  He was, after all, an itinerant preacher, a common business man, a man with radically upsetting theological viewpoints at times, and a refugee.  But we often forget those aspects of Him in favour of our Sunday School version of a blonde hair and blue-eyed North American Jesus who looks exactly just like us.  So, dear Church, I pray that you may one day come to the place where people are welcomed and valued for who they are, even when you disagree with their lifestyle choices.  That you may one day endeavour to truly be a welcoming space where the shouts and noise of children are welcomed.  A place where the poor worship alongside the rich and think nothing of it.  A place where everyone’s gifts are equally valued regardless of how insignificant those gifts may be, because often it is in the least of these gifts, that we truly find the greatest reward.

Dear Church, I love you but I wish you wouldn’t fear people’s faults.

I once asked a good friend with relatively little Christian background or influence what she thought was the biggest thing a church could do to become more welcoming.  Without a moment’s hesitation, she responded “don’t fear people’s faults.”  This short phrase has stuck with me ever since.  There is a temptation in churches to be a bit “fake.”  I’m not saying that churchy people aren’t genuine and sincere, but they often can’t get to the depth of what is truly troubling them for fear that they may be considered an inferior Christian.  I remember in my late teens and early twenties struggling with severe depression and being told common clichés like “just pray more” or even “how can you be so selfish when there are children a world over starving.”  I was taught to bury these emotions because good Christians, and good pastors, never doubt the goodness of God “God is good all the time, all the time God is good.”  Or as Kutless says in their new song King of my Heart, “You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down.”  But what about the times when God DID let us down?  That divorce?  That death?  That betrayal of trust?  That broken friendship?  That abuse?  That thing that happened to us of which we had no control over and that we never deserved?  Wars and famines around the world?  Do you really think people in Syria or in Egypt truly believe that God has NEVER let them down?  Do you really believe the woman who got pregnant at 19 not by choice but because of an abusive relationship really believes that was God’s design for her life?

When I think of my own faults, of which there are plenty, I am thankful that I have met many wonderful Christian people who have always loved me even despite my mistakes and failures.  But I have also become distressed by a church that expects certain things of me just because of my educational background and professional experience in ministry.  I truly pray that the church would come to accept people regardless of their backgrounds and to see those as possible assets that build up the church, rather than that detract from it.

Dear Church, I love you, but I wish you would stop trying to be the State.

When I posted this question to Facebook, it reached friends from literally all over the world – most notably the US and the UK.  Both of these countries have a somewhat tighter understanding of Christendom than Canada does, however, in many Western countries, matters of State because matters of theology.  Take, for example the legalization of marijuana – something I myself have not yet come to a conclusive decision about.  So many churches have created this mindset that because it once was illegal it is therefore “sinful” but is that truly the case?  The Bible does not ever speak of marijuana or drugs at all for that matter (at least in the conventional sense of how we understand them today).  We become so fixated on a certain topic, lobbying the government for change when really – to the best of my knowledge anyways, God has called church and state to be two separate entities.  This doesn’t mean that Christians should not become involved in politics.  I believe it is a wise and responsible choice for Christians to be informed of what is happening locally and globally and to work for change in different ways – nevertheless, I wish the church would resist the idea that we have to be a “mini-state” and instead go back to what the word Christian actually means and just focus on becoming “mini-Christs”.

Dear Church, I love you, but I wish you would stop being so fixated on marriage.

I get it.  We need marriage and families in order to continue to keep our church functioning.  Children and youth are the very lifeblood of the church and those we need to train to take the gauntlet of leadership for the next generation.  I am also pro-marriage.  I hold a traditional view of marriage that maintains it as a sacred institution, even despite a society that often opts to live together – to receive all the privileges of matrimony without any apparent level of commitment.  Nevertheless, I have been getting frustrated recently over how the church responds to anyone over the age of 25 who is still single.  There are many benefits to the single life and in many ways I believe my singleness permits me to give more readily to the church than in marriage.  In fact, the Bible itself says that if someone is single their responsibility and devotion is to things of the Lord, but the person who is married is primarily responsible for his or her own family first and thus must learn to balance family life with things of the Lord.  In fact this passage even uses the phrase “his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:34).  I’ve alluded to this in many other posts, but the Bible actually has a very high regard for singles.  It says that some people are born “single” (perhaps because of a disability or a natural temperament that better suits them to singlehood), others were made single because of circumstances beyond their control, and still others choose to become single in order to better glorify God and build up the Kingdom (Matthew 19:12).  Think of the Biblical examples of Paul, Jesus, and even Anna – all of who were single for different reasons, but who ministered to God in incredible ways because of their singleness.  Think as well about missionaries such as Elizabeth Elliot (single by widowhood) or Helen Roseveare (never married) who also served God on the field by not being constrained by marriage or family life.  The Bible actually never says anything negative about singlehood, despite being in a culture where marriage and family were the norm and in which Hellenistic literature at the time stated that the only thing worse than unbelief was to never be married.  Therefore, I find within Christianity as it is to be properly understood a great respect and freedom for those who will not or cannot get married.  Unfortunately, the church post-Luther has lost this very gift.  It has instead chosen a path of toting marriage as an ideal and viewing singles as “less than.”  It has become preoccupied with an unrealistic expectation to get married and start a family young.  It has not learned to properly reach out to and equip singles – not to match make, but simply to be present with.  It has not, for the most part, come to a conclusive and helpful way to properly minister to those who now find themselves single a second time after divorce or death.

Dear Church, I love you dearly.  I am glad to have grown up knowing you and I am thankful that Christ married you forever.  But, dear Church, I also pray that you may one day accept the full reality of who Jesus is calling you to be.  I pray that you may become a safe haven where everyone is welcomed and included.  Where people are greeted with a sincerity and warmth that truly pulls them in, rather than pulls them away.  That people will be built up in your midst, rather than torn apart.  I pray that you may become a place where you live in opposition to the systemic structures that are put in place and instead model a level of servanthood and humility that the world needs to see.  I pray that you may live differently and counter-culturally rather than giving in to the whims and debates that currently swirl around our world.  I pray that you may accept singles in the same way you accepted marrieds.  That you would accept teen moms in the same way as you accept long-lasting marriages.  And I pray that just like the words of the old traditional song, people would come to know that we belong to you, that we are a part of you, that we are mini-Christs not by our words, our actions, our theology, or even our mission terms, but by our love.

Sincerely yours,

A young twenty-something churchgoer who loves Christ, loves the fellowship of believers, and loves a church that is willing to get messy and become inclusive.



The Parable of the Good Samaritan (Sermon)

Here is the latest sermon I preached at Trulls Road Free Methodist Church.  You can listen to it online at:

I want you to imagine this scene with me: a man is walking from Courtice to Oshawa, and on the way he suddenly feels ill and drops down on the pavement outside of our church.  I am running late for work having been stuck in traffic for an hour, and in my busyness, I walk right on by him.  A little while later, someone from the subdivision down the street notices this man.  He’s now feeling a bit better, hunched up by one of our rocks.  The person inquires about his state, but after a few brief moments of conversation, it is discovered that the man is drunk and high.  His words are slurred together.  He has baggy eyes, and his hair is scruffy as if he hasn’t showered in weeks.  This person suddenly feels uncomfortable and awkward and decides to move past him in order to save his own embarrassment and uncertainty.  Finally, a homeless man walks past our church.  He notices this man sitting there, his face flushed, his eyes glazed over, and the homeless man asks him, “hey mate, are you okay?”  The man gives a muffled moan as he clutches his side.  The homeless man says, “hey, I don’t have much, but let’s get you to safety.”  He takes the man, walks into the church and hands me his Styrofoam cup.  “It isn’t much” the man admits, “but it’s all I have.  I’m willing to go without food today, if you’ll take my friend in and let him crash in your sanctuary.”

I want you to sit with this scenario for a moment.  It’s so unlikely and it probably evokes the natural responses and emotions of fear, dismay, and disapproval.  Of course, we who are Christian WANT to help other people.  And in fact, that’s what Jesus has commanded of us throughout the New Testament.  But still, there is something alarming in actually being in a situation we are unprepared for and may feel unequipped to properly handle.

This story I just mentioned, may seem a bit far fetched, but that’s essentially the story we are met with in the Parable of the Good Samaritan.  A man is walking from Jerusalem to Jericho (about a 25km hike) and is suddenly attacked by a band of robbers.  We do not know the reason for his trip, nor do we know anything really about this man.  We have made assumptions from the text such as that he himself is Jewish, but the truth is, he is actually a man with no name and no real back story in the Scriptures.

Having been mercilessly attacked, the man is left beaten and half-dead.  We can assume at this stage that he has limited or no ability to move.  Perhaps he is unconscious or barely able to open his eyes.  Perhaps at this point given his physical state, he is not even able to call out for help.  He is utterly and completely at the mercy of those who pass by, hoping that someone kind might at least acknowledge and get him to safety.

Our story then introduces three new characters – each one having the opportunity to become the hero of the story.  The first man is a priest, or in our common language, a pastor.  This man has likely gone to seminary and heard all about compassion and justice.  Yet, for whatever reason, those words have gone in one ear and out the next.  It’s fine for him to preach on a Sunday about how we should show love to each other, but when it comes to living that out in his daily life, it’s the furthest thing from his mind.  The Greek language substitutes the word “to see” for the verb “to perceive”.  This is a story couched in the language of perception.  The priest would have had the opportunity to perceive this man in need as a fellow brother, but instead he is more concerned with the aspects that set this man at a variance from him.

Next, a Levite enters.  The Levite being another Godly man, seems to have the same perception and the same issues as the priest, and hurriedly moves right on past.

Lastly, we meet a Samaritan. An unlikely fellow who people regard as “scum.”  Someone perhaps with a back story that would make your spine tingle.  Yet, in that moment, this Samaritan sees the man, perceives that he has a deep need which could possibly be alleviated, and determines his course of action.  In a self-sacrificial move, he exerts his physical strength to hoist the man upon his own donkey and complete the journey for him.  When he gets to the hotel, he gives the manager the equivalent of $600 for two nights.  Think about that for a minute.  Here is a man he has never met before, and he is giving away $600 just to ensure his well-being for two nights and then follows up with a promise to give more money if needed.  This episode could easily have ended with a bill of over $1000.  I don’t know about you, but I have never in my life given $1000 to someone I didn’t know and the thought of doing something like that sets me out of my comfort zone for sure.

So here we have the set-up for the story, but I want to now break it down into three bite-sized sections in order to make it a bit more personal and relevant to our own lives.

You see, this story actually brings out three different personas that each one of us has wrestled and struggled with in different stages of our own lives:

Firstly, we are introduced to the persona of justification.  The Bible tells us that the set up for this story is a teacher of the law (perhaps the modern day equivalent of a seminary student or a young pastor) asking Jesus “who is my neighbour?”  At first glance, this question sounds innocent enough.  As if the man truly were eager to learn more.  However, upon further reflection, we discover this is not the case.  In fact, the Bible says that the teacher actually asked his question in an attempt to justify himself (or in Greek – to look smart and to one-up Jesus).  His question is not filled with concern, but rather is full of self-pride.  A desire to look good and prove that he has it all together.

I think each one of us here has been guilty of this in our own lives at some level or another.  I know I definitely have.  There is a temptation and tendency to spend time only with people in our own group who we feel deserve all of our attention.  I know for me, I never did this intentionally, but growing up in the church and attending Bible College and Seminary and training to be a pastor, I have always gravitated towards like-minded spiritual people mostly of the Christian faith.  It wasn’t until I met a Muslim friend and developed a close relationship with her, that I recognized the beauty of diversity and getting to know other people in our attempt to share our own faith with them.  My friendship with Karima has always been special and so important to me, but it hasn’t always been easy.  Over the years, I’ve had to learn to dismantle my own stereotypes and prejudices and to really see her as the beautiful young woman she is.  Over coffee and on many occasions, we’ve had to hash out our faith together.  Sometimes we ask each other really awkward and somewhat embarrassing common-sense questions in our attempt to move deeper into our relationship.  But it has been worth it in the end because even though it’s been hard work at times, the pay-off has been so great and valuable.

I think we all have people that we naturally feel more comfortable with and drawn to.  There will always be those people we put on our fringes whether because of awkwardness, discomfort, an inability to relate, anxiety about over-stepping cultural barriers or norms, busyness, or just forgetfulness.  Our challenge then becomes to ask ourselves, really ask ourselves “WHO IS GOD CALLING ME TO REACH?” Today, tomorrow, this week, this year.

Secondly, this text introduces us to a persona of humility. Many of us here today grew up in the church and have heard this story since childhood.  We can probably recite it in our sleep.  However, I don’t know about you, but every time I’ve read this story, I’ve always approached it as a moral object lesson about needing to stop when other need help.  However, today I’d like to do something a bit radical and ask each of us to step back and enter the story from the viewpoint of the man lying down on the road, beaten, and half-dead.

Every one of us here, has been overlooked, beaten down by life, and left in distress at one point or another to varying degrees.  The Bible itself, as wonderful and precious a book as it truly is, reminds us of this harsh reality on nearly every page.  We are told that in this world we will have many troubles and that we will be beaten down, crushed, persecuted, and abandoned.  In our own lives, we can likely all pinpoint at least one specific time when this was the case for us.  Whether it was through the storm of a serious health crisis, through battle with depression or anxiety, experiencing profound financial difficulties, family burdens, compulsions, or addictions of various natures, we have all been that man lying on the road, left for dead.  And although the Bible promises that eventually these trials will run their course and produce in us a lasting hope and glory for eternity, at the moment all we feel is robbed of our joy and the abundant life promised to us in Christ.  If you are in this place today, I hope you will know that you are truly not alone.  That you are fiercely loved by the God of all Creation, the Lord Jesus Christ who came to save us from both the external trials and from the internal wars that rage within us.  And even though perhaps people have walked by you without noticing your plight, I pray that you may experience the comfort, grace, mercy, and all-healing power of the very Saviour who promises that even in a world where difficulties abound, we have the ability to take heart because He has overcome the world.  He has died for us in order to redeem us and He desires nothing more than to use our stories and testimonies in order to help and bring hope and healing to another struggling person.

Lastly, the third persona we are met with in this story is one of repentance.  As I mentioned, this story has three main characters who each had the potential to become the hero – a priest, a Levite, and a Samaritan.  The first two were holy men who should have known better, but the last man, the Samaritan, was the only one foolish enough to act on impulse and yet ultimately proved to be the wisest of all.

Who are the people we walk past on a daily basis? The co-worker we can’t stand.  The next door neighbour or college roommate who just grates on our nerves.  That addict we are so quick to judge thinking that if they would just get their life together and put in more of an effort, they wouldn’t be in that bind?

It starts with a conscious decision to be aware of those people in our midst. Our first step is to observe.  Perhaps go for a walk today after church and look – really look – at the people walking past you.  And when you ask someone how they are doing today, to truly wait for an answer.  You’d be surprised at just how many people are struggling in various ways if we only become aware of them.

Once you’ve become aware of at least one person in need of your help determine to take a positive course of action.  I recently was talking with a friend about this story, and she taught me something really profound “learn to know the person so you don’t hurt them.”  Everyone has a back story, everyone has their own struggles, their own difficulties, and their own pain.  So instead of rushing in and trying to offer band-aid solutions, if we truly took the time to enter into their story and to get to know them as a person – not as their addiction or their disease or their past, but as a PERSON – I think it would go a long way.

And truthfully, one of the very best ways we can help another person is to use our own struggles and testimonies asking God to redeem our pain, mistakes, and failures, in order to equip and empower someone else.

There is a famous quote that says, “Christianity is simply one beggar teaching another beggar where to find bread.”  It’s one alcoholic teaching another alcoholic how to stay sober.  It’s one drug addict teaching another drug addict how to stay clean.  It’s one victim of abuse teaching another victim of abuse how to find life, hope, and healing again.  It’s one person who feels they have their life together teaching another person who feels the same way that it’s okay to be broken and to accept our story with all the messiness and chaos attached.  That God still loves us and that we are never too far gone even despite how many times we’ve messed up.  That God is always right there, waiting in that little hut, with the light on for the prodigal son or prodigal daughter to come home at the eleventh hour. Remember, the church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.

It’s one thing to know these deep truths, but it’s entirely different to live them out all together.  If we simply listen to this sermon and think “that’s nice” and move on with our Sunday, we run the temptation of being nothing more than the priest or Levite who saw the need, knew the right course of action to take, but decided not to.  But if we let this message and this truth permeate our hearts, we, too, can be like the Samaritan who saw the person on the road not for his ethnicity, socio-economic status, or religious background, but simply as a person in need.

Who is God calling you to reach this week?  Can I encourage you just to take a small baby step?  To take an extra five or ten minutes out of your busy schedule to give them a quick phone call, write them a nice card, or even say a quick prayer for them?  I think if we’re able to do this, we’ll discover that it not only changes the lives of our friend, but can also transform our own lives as well.  May God be with you as you take this bold and courageous step of action.

An Addict, an Alcoholic, and the Codependent Walk Into a Bar

DpaELqpwYE-4  The unthinkable happened.  I, the good little church girl who grew up in the stereotypical Christian bubble with scarcely a non-religious friend, suddenly found myself enraptured by the compelling story of a young woman slightly older than myself sharing her testimony.  It was indeed a harrowing story of both triumph and defeat, the highs and lows of drug use and rehab, and the devastating effects not addressing issues sooner can have on one’s life.  The most intriguing thing of all being that I was completely spellbound, all the while taking mental notes, not only of this young woman’s maturity and resilience, but also of how much she indeed was teaching me.

Every day we come across such individuals.  It may be through a church service or a young adult’s group.  It might be on testimony night or while casually eating tacos.  It may be in the sanctuary or in the side hall.  These moments might take place while on the bus or bustling tables.  While driving with a passenger in your car or passively listening to the radio.  But whenever they happen, they cause us to pause, take note, and listen.

There is something beautifully freeing in the power of a story.  Stories capture our heart and engage our emotions in a way factual information never can.  I can tell you the physical repercussions of eating fast food daily, or I can let you watch “Supersize Me” and hear one man’s story for yourself.  I can tell you about the blackouts drinking can cause, or I can let a former drunk explain those moments for himself.  I can proof text Bible passages or I can tell you about the ways God has transformed my life, bringing me out of darkness and into light and joy beyond measure.  Our stories disclose in a general (and sometimes a more specific way) who we were, who we are now, and all we hope to become.  They encourage and inspire others that no matter how far down they have gone, there is a hand bringing them back up.  They remind us that our imperfections are exactly what makes each one of us so perfect.  And nothing is more profound that a story firmly rooted in Christ – a mess God has redeemed, a triumph He has reclaimed for Himself.

I think the power of a story is the exact reason that I highly encourage every Christian leader to attend at least one AA meeting in their life.  You don’t need to be a recovering alcoholic to understand the power of a good story and in fact, I believe everyone would benefit not just because of the compassion you gain for someone struggling with this disease, but also because it truly would make our church stronger.  To be individually welcomed by so many people, numbers given with a proviso to call anytime, books bought for complete strangers, and a certain rigorous candour, these are all the things that many churches miss out on.  Not to mention this knack for storytelling.  I had two professors at my seminary teach me two very different things.  The first one encouraged each of his students to go to an AA meeting and write a paper – an experience I will never forget.  The second mentioned that as a church becomes more vulnerable and intimate, the less welcoming to newcomers they become.  Why then, do you see newcomers at AA every single meeting, sharing their heart and soul with people they have scarcely made eye-contact with once?  What is it that AA is doing that many churches are not?  Why do blatant atheists become ardent believers in God (and at the very least agnostics) and yet daily we see so many people walking away from organized religion?  Once again, the answer lies in an atmosphere of honesty, transparency, vulnerability, and an attitude which suspends all judgement.

I have also become convinced over the past few months that everyone struggles with an addiction of some kind.  We often view the addict as the “town-drunk” or the “homeless pill-pusher” yet these stereotypes not only avail us nothing, but are detrimental to the well-being and recovery of anyone who truly suffers.  It can be difficult to get into the mind of an addict, and yet, each one of us struggles with something – an insane desire to be liked by everyone, a need to control the lives of others, a need to indulge in sugary sweet and fabulous fatty desserts on the whim, a penchant for binge watching a certain tv show, and (as anyone born after 1989 will attest) an unhealthy and unholy preoccupation with our phones and all things technological.  Think about it.  The average Canadian spends over 7 years using social media and other forms of electronics (not associated to their professional job life).  Many compulsively check Facebook or Twitter accounts several times a day.  Many are not able to unplug from their work emails even on their days off.  Marriages, families, and friendships suffer from a preoccupation which distracts the person from all that is present.  People have reported “feeling naked” when the phone’s been accidently left in the car.  Leaving cell phones on overnight has often resulted in several cases of sleep deprivation, sometimes with devastating effects.  Many have felt “phantom vibrations” in their pocket because their mind has trained them to think they will be receiving a text message every other moment.  And a few years back when many people took a challenge to delete Facebook for a 40 day fast, certain individuals began having shakes akin to someone coming off of hard drugs, and a few even sought professional help.  What I am getting at is that I don’t care if you’re addiction is shopping or smoking, these addictions can hit anyone.  Anything that is taking over your life and that has an unhealthy place or detracts from your real life relationships with your spouse, your children, and your friends is something that needs to be addressed.  We are not “holier than thou” just because we struggle with food and Facebook over narcotics or weed.

Yet even so, we all know that people will experience their addictions in various ways.  This may be for a variety of reasons: family upbringing, personal baggage, or even different personalities.  Whereas one person may be able to seemingly move through the recovery process quickly, others may be stuck in the same state for years.  Not everyone has to lose their home, their job, their marriage, or their finances, to be an addict.  Not everyone needs to start from ground zero, but everyone needs to realize that thing in their life that has become their God.  That has become their only comfort.  That thing which is perhaps not bad in and of itself, but has become a burden rather than a blessing.  That thing which drives others to notice them or that takes the edge off the pain of their past.

Once we are able to recognize our own shortcomings and failures, it is then that we are able to begin ministering to the person in our congregation or in our family who we see going down a bad path and whose addiction we see having potential to destroy their life and career (if it has not already done so).  Here are the steps I would highly recommend you take:

#1: Never Judge.  So many people assume that a person can just stop using, drinking, or accessing porn.  However, if someone truly has an addiction, they must make this call for themselves.  It is not enough for a spouse, parent, child, or friend to point out a flaw.  If the person cannot own this stronghold, there will be no healing present.  The best thing you can do in the process is not to helplessly watch your loved one deteriorate, but to speak truth and life into the person’s situation.

#2: Love Unconditionally.  Sometimes the most loving thing you can say to your congregant or family member is simply this: “I love you, and it is because of my love for you that I am creating and putting up these boundaries until you can get help.  I will still stand by you and support you through it all.  I’m not going anywhere.  But I need you to do this, not for me, but for yourself.” The number one way to recover from any addiction is to have mentorship and accountability.  Without that, you’re as good as dead.  But with resolve and a cheerleading squad behind you, the past can be put in the past.  Each day is a new one forward.  Don’t bring up the addict’s past.  Embrace their future and all the possibilities that holds.  Take it one day at a time.  Any improvement (however small) is still an improvement.  It is important to note those little victories.

#3: Dismember the Trite Pleasantries. We’ve all heard those infamous sayings: “just pull up your bootstraps”, “just try harder,” “if you really want to quit, you’d just find the will power and resolve to do it.”  The truth is that someone who is seriously struggling with an addiction often cannot find solace in these phrases.  What’s important here is to allow a story to be told, and to hold it gently.  Get into the mindset yourself.  Think about the most difficult thing you find motivation to do even if you know you should.  I know that I should exercise more and eat healthier.  I’ve seen a doctor and a dietician and both told me the same thing.  But I don’t always feel that way.  I sometimes crave that double hamburger or that delectable double chip ice cream.  I give in even though I’ve been told that if I keep it up, I’ll continue to gain weight and get acne.  Again, this is an extreme example, but I think you can see where I’m going with this.  I can’t expect my congregant to go a week without a drink, when I’m knocking back a bag of potato chips every day.

The most important thing I have learned as I’ve begun opening myself up to the possibility of having friends who have addictions or mental health issues is this: people are people.  It can be so easy in our society to label someone or to make assumptions because of someone’s lack or poor judgement.  However, each one of us makes bad decisions on a daily basis.  We choose that Frappuccino over that piece of fruit or we buy that extra dress we really don’t need rather than giving the money as a donation.  We all act compulsively from time to time, get angry, make accusations against others or ourselves, and find forgiveness hard.  And yet, when it really comes down to it, we aren’t all that different after all.  As I’ve interacted with former rough sleepers, I’ve learned that deep down we all have that innate desire for friendship and love.  We all like to be wanted, needed, cherished, and accepted.  Some of us have had it easier than others.  Some of us had stable families and the support system we needed early on which enabled us to stay away from a lifetime of hardship (and if so, thank God for that!).  But others of us have had to struggle to find a way and blaze a path and God has used those stories and redeemed them for the benefit and saving of many people.  In the end of the day, one is not better or worse.  As long as we recognize the need for our own resilience and walk in the freedom and power of righteousness, we will blaze a path that others will dare to follow.  We will share a story that others will desire to step into.  And we will transform our trials from tests into testimonies.